the buddies song

yo, i can't sing it,
i feel like singing,
i wanna fucking sing,
coz i'm happy,
yeah, i'm happy,
i got all my buddies at my back,
yo, check it out,

some days i sit, starin out the window,
watching this world pass me by,
sometimes i think theres nothing to live for,
i almost break down n cry,

sometimes i think i'm crazy,
i'm crazy, oh so crazy,
why am i here, am i just wasting my time?

but then i see my buddy,
suddenly i'm not crazy,
it all make sense when i see they're by my side,

sometimes it feels like the world on my shoulder,
everyone leaning on me,
sometimes it feels like the world almost over,
but then they come back for me,

my fren and all keeps getting older,
i watch them grow up with pride,
people make jokes, coz they don't understand me,
they just don't see my real side,

i act like shit don't face me,
inside it drives me crazy,
my insecurities could eat me alive,

but then i see my buddy,
suddenly im not crazy,
it all make sense when i see they're by my side,

now u probably get this picture from my public persona,
that i'm a pistol-packing drug addict who has this trauma,
but i wanna just take this time out to be perfectly honest,
coz there's alot of shit i keep bottled that hurts deep inside my soul,
and just know that i grow colder the older i grow,
this boulder on my shoulder gets heavy and heavy to hold,
and this load is like the weight of the world,
and i think my neck is breaking shud i just give up,
or try to live up to these expectations?

now look, i love my buddies more than life in itself,
but i got a past that's determined to make my life livin hell,
but i handle it well,given the circumtances im dealt,
so many chances, man, its too bad, coulda happen to someone else,
but a year that ive wasted are nothing to the tears that ive tasted,

so here's what i'm facing:
3 diseases, 6 months of hospitalisation,
iv went to ICU for this past, ive been to the OT for this past,
ive taken pills behind people's back, punctured 20 time for this past,
man i shoulda see it comin,why'd i put the pill in my mouth?
woulda throw all the weed up if i seen what i was fuckin around,
but fuck it,its over, there's no reason to cry no more,
i got my buddies, maybe the only people i adore, science sixers
so sayonara, try tommora, nice to know ya,
and suddenly it seems that my shoulder blades have just lifted,
its like the greatest gift i can get,
the weight have lifted,

now it dont feels like the world on my shoulder,
everyone's leaning on me,
cuz my buddies know that their fren a soldier,
nothing can take them from me.

p/s: i just wanna say that im really greatful to have frens like all of u.
all 0509 members and science sixer. thnx for supporting me through out my
illness. i really2 love u guys and i hope that our brotherhood stays till
the end of lyfe.

truly, mondok 20.

the day you knew.

the day u knew that person is the one for u and the person u wanna spent your life with is the day u knew that person is going to break your heart, because there is no such thing as an endless love and u just have to face the truth that all loves is going to end someday and somehow,so just fall in love if you're brave and bold enough to bare the heart broken u gonna get in the end.

love is like the sweetest dream u will ever get until u woke up and u realise that everything has gone by your sight, it felt like your life has no porpose, u felt like there is nothing left in this world and there is no more hope in u because your heart is like bein punctured and there is full of emptyness. you just feel like you want to give up everyting u have but u did not, instead u keep on trying to reach for that dream again,eventhough u knew its all over n u will never get that sweetest dream again. in the end the only u can do is just to let go of everything and if that dream did came back to you, it means u were meant to have that sweetest dream but its up to u to accept that dream because u knew one day u will wake up again from that dream and feel again the cruelty of bein broken in your body, your heart and your soul. just remember if can't bare it and control it, love might act as a poison that could kill a whole of yourself and if that happens you can't be helped anymore. you will never realise the truth about love until u loose one.

the moment u fell in love with a person is the moment u start bein blind and deaf. u did not care or did not think of the consicuonces u will get when the day u told that person the three magical or the three poisonous words that is 'I Love You'. because when u're in love with someone and when somebody loves u everything was beautiful, it feels like ur in a beautiful paradise where u spent all of ur time with ure lover, hugging and snoggling each other every night and day with full of desireness, passionate and the strong feeling of love towards each other. it feels like there is no end to this gorgeous feeliing and u just want to spent your whole lyfe with that person because u knew dat person is the one for u n its forever. u didn't notice at all dat u were blinded by love, because u just can't think any bad things that cud happaen to u instead u just keep thinking how beautiful ur lover was because the beautiful eyes , the sweetest smile and the perfect kisses had caught ur heart and it stole not only u but ur soul. u were blind n u were deaf. everything u see and everythin u hear is always envolving ur lover, u just can't take that person out of ur head coz ur emotion that is love had takes over ur body, ur soul, ur brain n ur heart. u are not the one that controls ur body but its love. and that why every single thing to u is so beautiful that u r the only one that can explain this feeling n nobody or nothing cud ever break u apart coz for u, the feeling that u have towrds each other is forever and ever like they say " till death do us apart".

all of that bullshit is just the feeling when ure first fell in love with a person and it won't last long. when ure in a relationship u will always going to face a phase where ure gonna have some problems and some troubles. when that phase has come to you that is the moment where your beautiul paradise will magically vanished in blink of an eye. that is the moment where u can't just think with ur brain but u must think with ur heart to overcome and solves these kind of phase but how can a person think with their hearts if their hearts had already been caught a long time ago by the feeling of love. instead u just need to gamble ur love. if its the right choice u can just shout 'winner winner chicken dinner' but if its the wrong choice u have made and u could loose ur love, that time u knew all this time u were just living in a place that does not really exist because the beautiful paradise is a place that was created by the feeling of burning love in ur heart. when its gone, evrything u did was gone too.u just have too let go and forget about about evrything u ever did, u ever feel of, u ever touch n u ever dream of because those thing only exist when ure in love and when somebody loves u. when ure broken hearted u just have to keep moving on and u have to start a new life in the present where ur past is never exist and just become a memory.

sometimes in a relationship people did not go through this phase and they think they are the perfect couple that only can be apart by death. did u know the phrase or the quotes "till death do us apart" is just a metaphor that shows forever and ever. but really the trurth is its not. okay, when death happens either only one person dies or both person die it is the end of ur love. when one person dies, the other person will face the phase where heart broken will happens and feeling the lost of the prson u love the most. its just the same feeling as a person who get heart broken not by death. in the end u will knew that love will always ends with a heart broken
and the forever and ever method is just a pice of bullshit. when both person die u still can't continue ur relationship. what do you think this is a fairytale?? where when both person die they will meet again in a paradise because they have been fate to be together forever and ever. remember fairytale and fate is just a piece of crap. lets just face the truth that nobody in this world is perfect in any way axcept for the prophet. so just face it that every single person in this world will taste the horror of hell before u can ever reach to heaven. only ur behavior on earth that can determine ur time limit in hell. so, by the time u reach the paradise u won't be able recognized who was ur love ones and ur lover also won't able to recognized u because of the nightmare and tortures in hell. so just accept the fact that all love is going to end someday and somehow.

people still loves each other until today because love is undenying. although u believe that love will always ends with a broken heart but one day u will fall in love with someone and there is no way denying it and if its come to an end there will always be no regets and forever buried in our hearts because without love we won't be exist in this world. loves someone if u can bare the heart broken when it ends. xp